Let me just start out by saying that I love my children.
They are my pride and joy. My moon and stars. My miracles from heaven.
I fought hard to have them here and I wouldn’t want my life to look any other way.
But there are days I struggle. And I mean struggle.
The every day monotonous events, knowing what will be, can be wearing on a person. Of course, there will always be days when the structure is rearranged, but all in all, you’re still executing the same daily routine.
Waking up a the crack of dawn, after being awake for 3 hours during the night because the baby kept pulling her soother out of her mouth and then crying because she wanted it again.
Trying to chug back your coffee so you can “enjoy” it while it’s hot, as you juggle the baby in your arms and frantically search for a snack for your ravenous toddler that’s having a meltdown at your feet.
Changing the baby’s blow out and then finding your toddler (who refuses to potty train) sitting in your closet, dirtying his drawers. Then demanding a diaper change…*sigh*
And while on that note. Changing a 3 and a half year olds diaper. Need I say more?
Also add-on feeling like a complete failure because you can’t get your 3 and a half year old to potty train.
Making breakfast, cleaning up breakfast. Making lunch, cleaning up lunch. Making supper, cleaning up supper…
Wait… did I eat anything?
Let’s not forget, being a snack slave to your toddler. All, day, long. “Mommy, I want another ‘nack”. Sound familiar?
How are they such bottomless pits?!
And then feeling guilty when they start to cry after the fifth round of “no more snacks before supper”. It’s not like they are starving!… or maybe they are?
*Gives toddler snack*
If you’re a mom, I’m sure you will identify with everything I just said. And a lot of the time, you think that nobody sees you. That nobody has any idea what you’re day looks like or what you have to deal with on a regular basis. It can often times feel lonely. Dragging. Tedious. And leave you longing for that appointment next week when you get to drive into town alone (!!!) while your husband stays home with the kids. And hey, when you do, crank up those tunes girl! Sing your heart out! Let it gooooooo!..
Wait. Too much. That just reminds us of the 73 times we’ve had to endure that “adorable” Frozen movie.
But I want to tell you, that I see you.
I see you. I know you’re the mom that longs for a shower that doesn’t have a time restraint. You know those ones where you just stand under the running water and bask in the peacefulness?… Yeah, I don’t remember what those are like either, but maybe one day we will again.
I see you. I know you’re the mom that looks forward to bedtime and then feels guilty because all day you’ve been looking forward to bedtime. I’m here to tell you that you’re not the only one.
I see you. I know you’re the mom that thinks she’s going to pop a top if she steps on one more cheerio after sweeping the floor for the 579th time today.
I see you. I know you’re the mom who feels like she’s going to end up in the nuthouse from listening to the same cartoon reruns over and over again.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who wakes up in the middle of the night with the songs stuck in my head…(thank you paw patrol…)
I see you. I know you’re the mom wondering if she’s doing everything right. Should you choose organic fruit or what’s on sale? Did you read to the baby today to aid in her development? Do you buy the most expensive car seat or the one that you can afford? Should you purchase (fill in the blank) new or second-hand?
I see you. I know you’re the mom that feels like she’s lost herself somewhere along the way. You’re life is no longer yours, as you now have little ones who rely on you for everything. You give every ounce of time and energy to them that you forget about saving some for yourself. You know it’s worth it, in every way, but you wonder if you’ll ever gain back the sense of feeling more than someone else’s lifeline. To grab onto a shread of your own being again. And if so, will you even remember what that’s like? What your passions and talents are? What you enjoy doing in your spare time? What your dreams are?
I see you and I to ponder all of these thoughts and feelings. I think every mom battles with specific emotions. The guilt. The hurt. The lonliness. The self doubt. The trials. The “am I good enough?” that circles in your brain on the daily. We questions ourselves constantly, but the real question is; if not you, than who?
You were placed in your children’s lives because you were the perfect person to be their parent. It’s as simple as that. The truth of the matter is, none of us will ever be “the perfect parent“, instead, we are “the perfect person”.
YOU are the perfect person for those babies. The perfect person to teach them, raise them and love them. A person who was specifically designed to be equipped with everything that they need, even if it sometimes feels like we aren’t. We all face different forms of parenting warfare, but it’s in those split second moments, that we are reminded of what’s important. There have been countless days that I have been left feeling drained of fuel and frustrated beyond words, but when that stubborn, perfectionist toddler of mine curls up beside me on the couch and says “mommy, you’re my best girl”, I’m caught under his spell all over again. Every miserable moment of that day is erased and he has won me over. All of the feelings of failure and defeat, quickly fade away. I am reminded why I am his and he is mine.
It’s how I continue to keep moving when I’m running on empty. It’s a given that they need me, but I sometimes forget that I hold more value than them just needing me. The fact is, that all my children want is for me to be present in their day. That’s it. Yes, it can be a depleting task at times when you’re up to your ears in laundry, dishes and dirty diapers… but what a beautiful thought it is to know that I carry such significance to these tiny little beings.
So momma’s, give yourself some grace. Allow yourself a moment to breathe every once in a while. Soak up the special milestones; because they only happen once. This stage of life is hard, but we only have one chance to live it. Capture it all; the beautiful and the ugly. And most importantly, take in those reminder moments and know that those babies don’t just need you, they want you. They yearn for time spent with you; every precious second. They run on your love; so give it freely. Don’t expend extra energy and time on the things that are irrelevant in the bigger picture. When they grow up and look back on their lives, the only parts that will stand out are the parts with you in them. The laughter, the joy, the giggles and snuggles. That’s what will matter the most in the end. And someday, when you reflect on days gone by, you’ll think about those same things. Your future will be full of freedom and “you time”, but I can guarantee, that when you’re in that stage of life, you’ll wish for these days back. You’ll long for the mess, the noise, and the chaos.
So forget about the dirty floors every so often. Leave the dishes in the sink until morning. Let them wear the same pair of pyjamas 3 days in a row. Let it all go. And instead, curl up with those littles ones in your unmade bed. Listen, and chuckle, at the way they say certain words. Tickle every bare belly. Kiss every boo-boo. Chase all the monsters out of the closet. Count every roll, every birthmark, every wrinkle on their nose when they smile. Study every cell of their being in a way that you will remember forever, because the moments don’t last forever… but the memories do.