untitled

I’ve been in a funk lately.

That I can’t seem to shake.

And I have no reason to be. I am immensely blessed, all my needs are met and I have more than I could ever ask for.

Maybe it’s the time of year. Summer is coming to an end and the air is starting to feel crisp.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy the Fall and everything that it has to offer. I actually quite like this time of year.

It could be that I’m missing my family after the wonderful summer we had.

Or that my son just turned 4 and is starting Pre-K on Monday (how did that happen?!).

Or my teething 15 month old who cries at my feet all day long.

Or that I’m just stuck in a rut for no apparent reason.

No pity party’s over here, I’m just being honest.

Although it was a lovely summer full of family time, catching up with friends, camping, day trips, and so on… it was also a tough summer.

Without going into detail, it brought on a lot of tears and heartache. There were moments where I felt like I was being tested and moments where I knew that I had to be strong and endure.

I also wasn’t going to let anything (or anyone) place a rain cloud above my time spent with my family. I went to New Brunswick to spend precious moments with my loved ones and I was prepared to set aside everything else in order to do just that. I wanted to sit back and watch my children take in every minute of being with their grandparents. Every interaction, every tickle (followed by a giggle), every hug, every kiss. Every fleeting moment. Everything. All of it.

So I did just that. And so did they. And it was beautiful.

Which brings me back to where I am right now. Maybe all of the baggage I set aside is slowly creeping its way back into my mind now that life isn’t as chaotic. I have more time to think, which tends to be why I keep myself busy, because I don’t like to allow myself a lot of time to “just think”.

That may be a bad quality, but for myself, it always leads me down a dark road, and I like to stay on the path of positivity.

Again, I’m writing a post that I didn’t intend on writing when I sat down. I have a handful of unfinished (and some finished) blog posts that I’ve been meaning to complete/post, but here I am, purging my feelings once again.

I’ve had a few people ask me lately if I’m still blogging. Yes, I am. But like I said, I’ve been stuck in this weird state of mind. I can’t seem to get my thoughts together and it’s almost as if I’ve convinced myself that nobody cares anyway, so why write?

There have been countless times that I have hesitated ever since starting this blog. Whether it’s been posting something I’ve finished writing or sharing a photo on Instagram; I just keep second guessing myself.

Am I good enough? Is the content good enough? Is the photo good enough? Is the recipe good enough?

In a world overcome by social media, it’s easy to get caught up in the “am I good enough” thoughts. Everyone is always trying to one up each other. With everything. And it’s exhausting.

I need to constantly remind myself of why I started this and what it does for me. Like I’m doing right now as I’m typing this out.

I need to stop worrying about what others might think of me, what others might say and if anyone even cares… but that’s easier said than done.

I had a friend reach out to me after my last blog post, Two homes. What she said is what makes me want to keep writing. Knowing that there’s at least 1 person out there who can relate to how I feel, makes it worth it. Nothing makes me happier than hearing from my readers. It’s very gratifying.

And so, I will aim to do better and be true to who I am. I will do my best to refrain from hesitation, and instead, push that publish button.

And before I end this post, I want to say thank you to those of you who have been following and supporting me from the get go. Some days it’s the only motivation I have to keep writing.

xo,

Marissa

 

 

4 thoughts on “untitled

  1. I love reading your blog, Marissa. Self doubt can be so powerful, it’s so easy to compare and convince ourself of things that simply aren’t true. Everyone is struggling with something and we never know the whole story. Thoughts aren’t always facts. Keep writing and inspiring others.

    Like

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