I’ve been in a funk lately.
That I can’t seem to shake.
And I have no reason to be. I am immensely blessed, all my needs are met and I have more than I could ever ask for.
Maybe it’s the time of year. Summer is coming to an end and the air is starting to feel crisp.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy the Fall and everything that it has to offer. I actually quite like this time of year.
It could be that I’m missing my family after the wonderful summer we had.
Or that my son just turned 4 and is starting Pre-K on Monday (how did that happen?!).
Or my teething 15 month old who cries at my feet all day long.
Or that I’m just stuck in a rut for no apparent reason.
No pity party’s over here, I’m just being honest.
Although it was a lovely summer full of family time, catching up with friends, camping, day trips, and so on… it was also a tough summer.
Without going into detail, it brought on a lot of tears and heartache. There were moments where I felt like I was being tested and moments where I knew that I had to be strong and endure.
I also wasn’t going to let anything (or anyone) place a rain cloud above my time spent with my family. I went to New Brunswick to spend precious moments with my loved ones and I was prepared to set aside everything else in order to do just that. I wanted to sit back and watch my children take in every minute of being with their grandparents. Every interaction, every tickle (followed by a giggle), every hug, every kiss. Every fleeting moment. Everything. All of it.
So I did just that. And so did they. And it was beautiful.
Which brings me back to where I am right now. Maybe all of the baggage I set aside is slowly creeping its way back into my mind now that life isn’t as chaotic. I have more time to think, which tends to be why I keep myself busy, because I don’t like to allow myself a lot of time to “just think”.
That may be a bad quality, but for myself, it always leads me down a dark road, and I like to stay on the path of positivity.
Again, I’m writing a post that I didn’t intend on writing when I sat down. I have a handful of unfinished (and some finished) blog posts that I’ve been meaning to complete/post, but here I am, purging my feelings once again.
I’ve had a few people ask me lately if I’m still blogging. Yes, I am. But like I said, I’ve been stuck in this weird state of mind. I can’t seem to get my thoughts together and it’s almost as if I’ve convinced myself that nobody cares anyway, so why write?
There have been countless times that I have hesitated ever since starting this blog. Whether it’s been posting something I’ve finished writing or sharing a photo on Instagram; I just keep second guessing myself.
Am I good enough? Is the content good enough? Is the photo good enough? Is the recipe good enough?
In a world overcome by social media, it’s easy to get caught up in the “am I good enough” thoughts. Everyone is always trying to one up each other. With everything. And it’s exhausting.
I need to constantly remind myself of why I started this and what it does for me. Like I’m doing right now as I’m typing this out.
I need to stop worrying about what others might think of me, what others might say and if anyone even cares… but that’s easier said than done.
I had a friend reach out to me after my last blog post, Two homes. What she said is what makes me want to keep writing. Knowing that there’s at least 1 person out there who can relate to how I feel, makes it worth it. Nothing makes me happier than hearing from my readers. It’s very gratifying.
And so, I will aim to do better and be true to who I am. I will do my best to refrain from hesitation, and instead, push that publish button.
And before I end this post, I want to say thank you to those of you who have been following and supporting me from the get go. Some days it’s the only motivation I have to keep writing.