Sometimes people will say things to me like “but now you have 2 beautiful children”.
Or they simply don’t say anything at all.
Time has gone by, so I must be okay.
I went on to have children, so I must be okay.
I seem happy, so I must be okay.
Can we stop doing that? Can we stop assuming that just because an allotted amount of time has gone by, that someone is no longer grieving?
Not to offend anyone, but I personally find that logic to be incredibly unfair.
We have zero say in how someone is dealing with a loss.
We do however, have a say in how we help and respond to someone dealing with a loss.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure I’ve said the wrong thing a time or two, or came across as awkward because I didn’t know what to say. I get that sometimes those moments can catch you off guard. I understand that it isn’t easy, trust me.
I know for a fact that I was in this same boat before these life changing experiences happened to me. I guess that’s just how loss changes you.
What’s that saying… “don’t judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes”?
I find now, that my heart is softer towards those who mourn.
I know what each “date” consists of.
I know the heart pounding, gut wrenching emotions that come along with remembering.
I know the sadness; when nobody remembers but you.
I know the loneliness of crying alone and trying to keep it together.
Dates like today (yes, I own more than one), hold a significant amount of weight for me, as I’m sure they do for anyone else who has loved and lost.
I hold an immense amount of compassion for those people. Sometimes I even grieve with them. I find myself actively thinking of others on a daily basis more than ever before. And I try to speak it as much as I think about it, but mostly it’s on my own time. Usually when I’m alone.
I pray for them. I message them to let them know I am thinking of them. Sometimes I quietly cry with/for them. I feel emotions like I never have before.
And I have taken that as something good that came out of traumatic circumstances.
So right now, as I pull myself together in order to make it through the day, I will ask this of you.
Next time, say something.
Say you love them.
Say you’re there for them.
Say that you care and you remember too.
You don’t need to perform some grand gesture or ponder a well thought out speech.
A simple hug would suffice.
Beause I promise you… it is always better to say something than to say nothing at all.
In honour of my heavenly babies ❤
“I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart” E.E. Cummings